This is my diary basically. I will be expressing my feelings and my experiences with things like faith, music, nostalgia, holidays/special occasions, and so many more things through these posts.
All posts will be saved in “Journal”!
My brother died in January and I really miss him. I used to share a room with him for our whole lives and as much as I complained, I never felt alone because I knew he was always there. It’s 6 in the morning and I can’t stop sobbing. I hate my life so much, but it’s funny because 8 months ago I didn’t hate it so much. I saw a comment under a video that said something about Cameron Boyce and it immediately reminded me of my brother. We were obsessed with Jessie and we watched it like every day. We were so close in age that we literally grew up liking the same things and it was awesome. During the funeral I remember people coming up to me and saying, “I can’t believe it! He was so young and I remember how INSEPARABLE you two were!” Like why would you say that to me??? Don’t you think I know that?? It pisses me off because it just made me even more heartbroken that I don’t have a single incredible childhood memory without him. He was my childhood, he is my nostalgia, and he will always be my greatest memories. It sucks not being able to talk to him—I will be awake all night reminiscing about our time together, but because he’s older than me, there are some details I don’t really remember and I always relied on him to tell me, but now I have to remember our memories by myself because he’s no longer here to help me. Sometimes I just want to scream and just tell him everything hoping he can hear me, but I know that’s impossible.